woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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