i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
