if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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