i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
