I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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