...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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