you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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