Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I wish i was in the wii world.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
