I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
