The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
my nose is crying tears of wow.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
