I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
