OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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