Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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