bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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