I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize