She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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