People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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