Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
