I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
