strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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