dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I think I sprained my soul last night
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
