you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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