he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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