apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
