Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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