chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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