hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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