just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
