so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
