You really coming over, don't trick.
Nicole vs. Life
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
