Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He passed out mid-signature
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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