At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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