I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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