My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
