He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
