I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize