Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
