it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
