Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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