he wants to bone in the snuggie
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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