Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
