Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
