i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
