How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
