I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize