She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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