Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
