Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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