I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
