I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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