I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
