i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
