I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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