it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
