I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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