So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Randomize
