I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
