After last night, I could never be a politician.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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