she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
