dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She told me I should be a condom model.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
