Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
