It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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