There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
