My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
