It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Found your dick twin last night
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
