I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
