Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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