My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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