these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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