The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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