So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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