it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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