I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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