this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
