A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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