I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
