I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
