Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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