He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
