"it" just moved
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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