hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
