sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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