I hope mine doesn't look like that
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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