i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize