As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
