After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
