forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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