My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
