I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Randomize