I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Randomize