wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
