You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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