just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
