4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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