i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
