I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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