You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
