I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
