; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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